1. A bear and a dog went to buy sesame cakes. The dog said, Boss, I want fried eggs. The bear said: I want it, too; The dog said: I want to fry it hard, and the bear said: Me too; The dog added: Please fry both sides for me. The bear was about to speak when the boss interjected: I know, you want it, too. Look at your bear, you still have to fry it!

2. A veteran retired from the army, drunk with several comrades, and passed out. After being carried home by his comrades-in-arms, his wife tried to sober him up in various ways, to no avail, so she called the veteran’s comrades-in-arms.

The comrade-in-arms said, "Try blowing short whistles continuously."

The wife didn’t understand, but did it. Unexpectedly, before the whistle fell, the veteran jumped out of bed, dressed and put on his hat at lightning speed, and his mouth was not idle, shouting, "Where is my belt?" Who took it away from me? " After that, I flew downstairs.

In the cold weather, the veteran stood straight downstairs, mumbling, "Isn’t it an emergency gathering? Why hasn’t anyone come down yet?"

3. Once I stayed up all night in the Internet cafe with my friends, and I felt so hungry after playing until midnight, so I came out of the Internet cafe and found a midnight snack stall in a deep alley to get something to eat.

There were no people on the roadside in the middle of the night, only an uncle who kept the stall was drumming up to collect the stall.

我俩坐下来，朋友还在埋怨我玩游戏坑他：“你要不死，我也不会死。”我回了句：“死都死了，说那么多咱俩能活过来？”

大叔走过来准备问我们吃啥，听到我俩的对话愣了下，突然大叫一声，转身就跑…

要不是亲眼所见，我真的很难想象一个大胖子能跑这么快！

4. 往公交车站赶，看见要坐的那路车急驰而过，奋力追赶，快要赶到时边拍车边喊等一下，被司机无视车开了，郁闷无比。只好坐下一辆，开到半路，发现前面车抛锚了，顿时开心，喵喵的，谁叫你不等我……

5. 我：“兄弟，9月有个演出，看能不能帮忙搞两张票？价钱不是问题。”

哥们：“行，有哥在，不是吹牛。就这国内演出没有哥搞不定的，再说就咱哥俩这交情，包在哥身上，啥演出？说！”

我：“9月3号天安门阅兵，帮我在城楼上随便弄两张站票就行。”

6. 人身安全第一

我吧，比较懒，舍友呢，也比较懒。但是我们在同一个宿舍也蛮搭配的，我的懒主要体现在晚上下班泡脚后不倒洗脚水，他的懒体现在从我盆里直接倒一部分水然后洗脸。我们相安无事有半年多了，这是我近一周才发现的问题。。。不多说了，我不会告诉你们我在潍坊哪个工地的，人身安全第一！

7. Frustrated in love, I chose to jump off a building to bid farewell to this world. Fortunately, firefighters rushed to avoid the accident in time, and the aunt on the sidelines comforted me and said, "Don’t be too discouraged. How can you succeed in life at once?" If you can’t do it twice at a time, twice and three times, you can always die! "

8. My cousin is still single at the age of 30. Once I asked him, "Cousin, there are so many beautiful women in your unit, why haven’t you found a girlfriend yet?"

My cousin said coldly, "Rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests!"

I said, "at this age, you still’ rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests’!"

Cousin said gloomily, "Beauty is the rabbit, and I am the grass!" "

9. Teacher: Your son’s composition is the worst in the class! Grammatical confusion, logical confusion and improper use of words

Parent: Teacher, if you want to criticize me, just say so. There is no need to beat around the bush.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Parents: I wrote this composition for my son! !

10. I just met a wretched man on the subway. He looks like a human being and wears glasses. He is quite gentle.

As soon as I entered the subway, I made a move on a sister paper next to me. The sister paper next to me directly said: "If you make a move again, the labor and capital will call the police directly, even if you engage in foreigners, you will also start work on locals."

I was shocked at once. I can only say that these two people are very awesome.

The real fashionable dress is not a deliberate gesture, but a publicity gesture that is inadvertently displayed. Bring your own style and temperament to the extreme, and show people a simple, clean and temperamental look. In the fashion street shooting, we can see a very stylish collocation, and there are many places worth learning from.

Collocation method with short top and long bottom

Girls who like to wear clothes and pursue fashion know how important it is to shape a high waistline for the overall shape. In this year, the collocation between short coat and high waist trousers will be particularly popular. Short coat and proper exposed meat will make people have endless reverie, and the whole is comfortable and lazy. Of course, this kind of matching still has certain requirements for the figure. Under the condition that the figure is allowed, a small vest with a plaid coat is fashionable and sexy.

For girls who like chic and casual style, short upper body with high waist pants can get a very chic shape. The silhouette suit made of leather doubles the sense of fashion, and the overall color matching between black and white makes people pursue fashion in the classics. The suspender vest with a square collar has a strong decorative effect on the figure, and it also has a sense of retro. It shows the figure more with black high-waisted wide-leg pants. I have to say that it must be very good for the young lady on the street to dare to wear such a figure.

There are many ways to shape the high waist line, and among these methods, the blessing of high waist pants is always indispensable. Light-colored plaid pants are more retro, and the upper body is matched with a small white tube top sling, which has a strong sense of fashion as a whole and requires a higher figure.

Spring is a season that needs color. Many bold women will choose bright orange when they wear it, with a small black tube top inside. Appropriate exposure of the skin will add sexiness and set off the whiteness of the skin.

Jeans are timeless in fashion circles, and wide-leg pants and straight pants, which are particularly popular in recent years, can create a sense of retro. At the same time, it is very inclusive to the lower body, and it is easy to create a fashion shape.

Warm and fashionable collocation method

Proper skin exposure will always give people a very sexy feeling. The medium-long coat made of leather creates the visual sense of missing lower body, and with black socks and leather shoes, it gives people a cool and sweet feeling. In the past two years, black stockings with penetrating flesh have been particularly popular, which are very sexy and cool when matched.

Black is a very classic color. If you want to wear black well, you must find ways to create some different changes and highlights. We can start with the style, fabric and overall style of clothes, strengthen the feeling of black, and thus create a cool feeling.

Most of the black gives people the feeling that it is cold and very aura. Leather clothing has always been very cool. A pair of black leather pants with black down jacket has certain differences in color and strong texture. The short black jacket is even more cool. The lower body is paired with black wide-leg pants, and white shoes are overdone. The overall cooperation is very good.

The most important thing to wear black and white is to learn to use other colors to decorate a small area. Red is a great foil to skin color, decorated with red, and it is also a classic combination of red and black. Black and white have always been classic color matching, so there is no sense of contradiction in the process of matching.

The hot sun is like fire, and the desert is like the sea. An archaeologist specializing in the ancient city of Loulan on Mount Everest crossed the desert alone, aiming to find the legendary ancient city of Loulan. The sand at the foot of Mount Everest is hot and boiling, and every step is like walking on a hot pot. There is little water left and food is only enough for two days. And what is even more desperate is that he found that his compass seems to have lost its function in this desert.

As night falls, Mount Everest hides from the scorching sun under the sand dunes, while taking advantage of the coolness at night to move on. Suddenly he saw an old building, which was mostly buried in the desert, but he could still see its exquisite decoration and craftsmanship. Everest was ecstatic, and he finally found it.

Everest walked into the building carefully. Although he was prepared psychologically, he was surprised by what he saw. The walls are covered with vivid murals, describing the life, wars and sacrifices of the ancient Loulan people. One of the most striking is a huge mural, in which a man is wearing gorgeous clothes and holding a strange weapon. His eyes reveal great strength and wisdom.

Mount Everest was deeply attracted by this mural, and he decided to find out the identity of this mysterious figure.